On Wednesday night I got one of those calls that everybody dreads! My mom’s sister had passed away suddenly.
Although, it was sudden, she was old and ill, and had been particularly confused for a couple of weeks, rambling on about all sorts of things, and at times, living way back in the past.
She and my uncle had been in a home for the aged for about 6 years and she hated it! She was a vibrant, fun loving person in her hay day, loved food, cooking and entertaining, and living in an institutionalised environment was just not for her. But, their age, inability to care for themselves properly, and financial constraints had necessitated the move to the home, and at the time, they felt it would be for the best.
She became increasingly miserable and indigent and eventually she was confined to a wheelchair, as she needed a hip replacement, and was constantly in pain. It was too risky to consider surgery as she was suffering from diabetes, congestive heart failure and renal problems
I have to admit that I always felt guilty that I didn’t visit her as often as I should have, partially as a result of the pressures of life and partially because she was always miserable and down and I would leave there feeling depressed and helpless as I was unable to do anything to relieve her misery and suffering.
Apparently, 2 days before she died, she refused to eat her lunch, saying that she was waiting for me to pick her up for lunch. Nobody told me, as they just put it down to her ramblings, BUT I am sure that there was another reason for this. I know she wanted to see me :(
I am absolutely consumed with remorse, sadness and grief! I have cried and cried and asked her to forgive me for not visiting her more often.
So, if you are in a similar situation, take my advice...
Visit that person before it’s too late!
It’s a funny thing…. I hadn’t seen her for about 4 months, and wasn’t missing her, but now I miss her terribly. I actually ache to see her one more time.
Why? Because I can’t!